Journey into the Past


Surfing through guided meditations on YouTube I came across a self-hypnosis to discover a prior life, this I needed to try (  Burrowing into my soft, comfortable bed on a beautiful, Saturday, morning I was anxiously anticipating meeting the goddess that I was sure I was destined to find.  What was her name, what did she look like, so much to discover!

The journey:

I closed my eyes and listened to the relaxing voice of Michael Sealey as he prepared me to meet my past goddess self.  I found my happy place, orbiting the earth, zipping through previous experiences of this life; climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro, the birth of my grandsons, finishing Ironman, graduating college, the birth of my sons, playing at my childhood home, the warmth of my mother’s womb.  Jettisoning through purple swirls and landing on a deserted beach I then steered my mighty sailing vessel into my past.  Landing on the shore of my past life I opened my hypnotized eyes to meet myself.

Feet first:

The first glimpse revealed; big, bulbous, black, boots.  This vision couldn’t possibly be accurate since my goddess self would definitely not be wearing big, dusty, boots.  I closed my hypnotized eyes and willed myself to see beautifully tanned, bare-feet and swirling layers of white silk gently flowing around those gorgeous goddess feet.  Opening my eyes again resulted in the same big, bulbous, black, boots, this was not going as expected.  I had to embrace the realization that I was not going to find my goddess self during this journey.  Was I a Mother Teresa type wearing sensible shoes to go about performing my good deeds?

Following Michael’s gentle direction, I explored the clothing covering my legs.  Much to my dismay as my gaze traveled up my body I began to realize that not only was I not a goddess I was not even female.  My journey led me to discover that in this prior life I was a man!  My man boots were topped with ragged trousers their color indistinguishable from dirt.  Continuing the clothing assessment; my shirt was ill-fitting and dusty, and I was carrying an old, worn, leather satchel.  A glimmer of hope entered my relaxed mind, I may not be a goddess so maybe I was a small town doctor making house calls to those in need.

My family and name:

Encouraged by Michael to hear voices of the people around me I looked up from my clothing and listened carefully.   Not a sound.  Looking around I was alone on a vast plain, no trees in sight, only a single clapboard house could be seen in the distance.  My only company was a dog and a horse of matching color best described as dried, red, clay.  While others doing the hypnosis would be meeting their families I was nuzzling the nose of my tired horse, Buck, while Skip, my dog, searched the hard-pan landscape for interesting smells or perhaps his next meal.  They were my family.  My disappointment continues to mount, not only am I not a goddess but my horse and dog are dull and boring too.

My home and occupation:

The next step on the journey was to tour my home.  Instinctively I knew the house in the distance was not mine.  Turning my attention to the wagon hitched to Buck revealed my home and occupation.  The disappointments continued as I learned that I was not a physician making house calls but a snake oil salesman, the hits just kept coming.  Goddess to fraud, not exactly what I was hoping for.

Finding my name:

Guided to discover my name from my family or the people around me was obviously not going to happen.  The scripted advertisement on the wagon wouldn’t come into focus but I had a feeling that my name began with an “H”.  I tried on a few H names; Harry, Henry, Harvey and Harold but none of them seemed right.  In a rush my name came, Alfred (not an H name after all).  Alfred, the snake oil salesman with dirty boots and clothes, no family, two nondescript animals and a wagon for a home.  I began to regret spending an hour on Saturday morning to discover that I was a charlatan with an awful name!

At work:

I caught a glimpse of myself in action on a soap box peddling my product.  A woman swooned and I caught her in my arms and administered my oil.  Ironically, she was wearing that flowing white gown that I tried so unsuccessfully to see on me when I first arrived in my past.  She recovered from her episode and I went on my way.

The end:

When prodded to see myself at the end of this disappointing life I unsuccessfully attempted to surround myself with children and family.  No one, not even my animals, accompanied me as I left that life.  Despite my solitude I was at peace.  I knew I, as Alfred, had helped countless women with my cure, I sensed that it wasn’t about what was in the oil but that I listened to the women’s complaints and attended to them when others would not.

I traveled back across the waters in my sailing vessel and sped through the atmosphere back to my conscious self in my comfortable bed on that sunny Saturday morning, disheartened that I hadn’t found a goddess, maybe next trip.

In retrospect:

As I researched my prior name I learned Alfred means; sage, wise elf counsel.  I became increasingly less disappointed by my prior self after learning this and ruminating on the feeling of satisfaction I sensed as his/my life was ending.  He left that earthly existence knowing he had made a difference in the lives of many women.

Parallels can be drawn between that life and this.  I’ve worked in the pharmaceutical business for nearly 25 years and am looking for ways to bring my varied life experiences to women to offer support and understanding.  Maybe Alfred and I are not so very different.  I own many pairs of boots, none as ugly as Alfred’s, but each time I slide my feet into a pair I think of him.


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